Witch Hunter Robin
Fire and Rain
DVD Bonus : Amon Hates Flying Monkeys
Rated : PG for Comic Mischief and Evil Flying Monkeys
Summary : The Attack of the Monkeys!
Disclaimer : I do not own Witch Hunter Robin®, or Voldemort©, or the Wicked Witch© and her Monkeys© or Richard Simmons, or Michael Jackson, or the Osbourns or the Witch King© or Naraku©
Storyline, Plot and David Rica © are mine!
Heh. Well a lot of you have been pissed at me for the way I ended Fire and Rain .
I know what I did was evil, but I just want to tell you all right now I end all of my stories either with a comedy bit or with a cliffhanger.
Most of you may not have read Time Off, since it was written a while ago (It was the 15th WHR fic on Fanfiction.net!) but I ended that one with a cliffhanger just like this one.
And it's not called a “cliffhanger” if it's the end of the story, it's called an “Open-Ended Ending” which leaves it open for a sequel.
And while I will not tell you whether or not David Rica will return in False Echoes , I will say that the main villain of FE is Kichiro Wantanabee .
Well, actually the main villain is a combination act of Zaizen , Kichiro and Jack the Ripper's angry ghost .
^^ See? Fun, fun!
Anyway, just felt I had to clear that up since you were all mad at me.
^^ But then again people hated Shakespeare for how he ended his plays, and he's the most famous author in the world.
----------------
[Open To.
We open to Harry's , where we find Robin and Doujima sitting at the table. Master Yuji Kobari is behind the counter making them some Miso soup. ]
Doujima : (sighs) its so-o-o-o-o tedious. I wish the boys were back from the hospital.
Robin : Yeah I know. (sighs) But Michael and Sakaki both have to have operations on their shoulders, and Amon can't leave for a long time.
Doujima : Maybe I'll go bug the chief . . . (she sighs and sinks down so that her head is in her arms on the table)
[ Suddenly there is a low popping sound and two figures appear. One is a short, green-faced, ugly woman wearing black. The Wicked Witch . The other is tall and covered in black robes with a black hood. Lord Voldemort . Suddenly Golden , the author and director of the fanfic series, walks on stage. ]
Golden : CUT! Whoa, whoa, who are you guys?
Voldemort : (in creepy evil voice) Silence mortal. The great Lord Voldemort shall ask the questions here.
Golden : (blinks) Err, I think you have the wrong set mate. The Harry Potter fanfics are filmed down the street. This is –
Voldemort : (in same said voice) Witch Hunter Robin ! I know where this is! Foolish, impotent mortal I am Lord Voldemort.
Golden : (sighs) please don't do the Roger Smith way of talking where we have to use your full name every time we speak to you. Now what the hell do you want? We're filming the final chapter of F&R !
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Golden : (blinks) what?
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Voldemort : (turns to the W. Witch) Silence you ugly hag! Lord Voldemort only brought you along because you have the really cool henchmen. Now let Lord Voldemort do the speaking, because Lord Voldemort is smart and you are dumb.
Robin : (leans in towards Doujima and whispers) Why does Voldemort refer to himself in the third person?
Doujima : (doesn't bother to whisper) because he's a douche bag.
Voldemort : (Glares at Doujima) Lord Voldemort heard that!
Golden : (sighs) Okay, enough! Voldemort, Wicked Witch, will you please leave?
Voldemort : No! We're here to kill everyone who dares to write Witch Hunter Robin fanfics.
Robin : (upset) Hey! Why?
Voldemort : Because --- (Is cut off)
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Voldemort : (angry) Dammit woman do you ever shut up about the damn dog!? (Sighs) Anyway, we're here because we hate WHR, it gives witches a bad name.
Robin : (blinks) you murder Sirius Black who everyone loves and I give witches a bad name?
Voldemort : (narrows eyes) Silence Mortal! (turns to Golden) This is a warning for you; if I see another WHR fanfic I'm going to kill you!
(Dramatic music plays)
Golden : . . . ‘kay.
[Cut to –
The Next Day at the Hospital. We find Robin , Doujima and Michael sitting in Michael's hospital room. They're talking. ]
Michael : (in quiet, dramatic voice) So . . . Rica's body was... gone?
Robin : (sadly) Yes. (long pause) Michael? Does this mean –
Doujima : (angry, pounds her fist on the table) No! I won't believe it. I refuse to believe that he's alive!
( suddenly there is a low *pop* and Voldemort and the Wicked Witch appear once more )
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Voldemort : (angry) WOULD YOU SHUT UP!? (turns to Robin and the others) Didn't I warn you? Didn't I warn what would happen?
Doujima : Oh no. (sighs)
Voldemort : Yes! Be afraid! Be afraid of Lord Voldemort!
Doujima : Afraid? (angry) I'm not afraid of a pansy in a black cape. It's just . . . (quietly) you smell.
Voldemort : (taken aback) What?
Doujima : You smell. BO. Body odor. You have a foul stench.
Michael : Yeah, you do.
Voldemort : (sniffs his armpit) I smell? (shakes head and becomes angry) Enough of your Mortal Games! Now you shall all feel the true wraith of Lord Voldemort!
Wicked Witch : (angry) What!? It's my wraith, not yours you pompous airbag!
Voldemort : (sarcastically) Ah, now you decide to speak.
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Voldemort : (Shakes head) ENOUGH OF THIS! RELEASE THE MONKEYS!
Robin : (blinks) Monkeys?
( suddenly the window of the hospital burst open and four large, black monkeys with big white wings jump inside. They have red jackets and fez hats. The Flying Monkeys start squawking and attack. Two of them start pulling on Robin's pigtails, a third starts pulling Michael's ponytail, and the last one runs at Doujima, who screams and runs into the hallway )
Robin : (still having her hair pulled) Oww! Oww! Ouch! Stop it!
Michael : (also having his hair pulled, and screaming like a girl) Oww! No! Stop! Stupid Monkey! OUCH! Robin will you please torch these (bleep)ing monkeys?
Robin : (taken aback) Kill monkeys? (her eyes fill with tears) I can't kill an animal. (One of the monkeys steals her hair ribbon and eats it) HEY! GIVE THAT BACK YOU STUPID MONKEY!
( the monkey that ate the hair ribbon catches on fire and is burnt to ash)
----
( Doujima is screaming and running down the hallway, with a Monkey following her. She runs behind a door at the end of the hallway and closes it behind her, breathing very heavy. Suddenly a figure in the shadows appears )
Doujima : Oh now, is that Voldemort or the Wicked Witch?
( the figure walks closer to reveal Michael Jackson . )
Michael Jackson : (in a childish voice) Are you my new friend?
Doujima : (screams) Holy sh-t! (she opens the door and runs back into the hallway where the monkey is still waiting, she sighs)
----
(Sakaki , who is currently with Karasuma , visiting Amon suddenly blinks. They are in Amon's room when the sound of squawking is heard.)
Sakaki : What the hell is that?
Karasuma : I don't know.
( window explodes and suddenly monkeys jump into the room. We hear a terrified scream like a frightened 8-year-old-girl. )
Sakaki : It's okay Miss. Karasuma, I'll protect you.
Karasuma : (glares) That was not me!
Sakaki : (laughs) It's okay to be scared.
Karasuma : I'm not scared jackass! I'm not the one who screamed, was I Amon? Amon? (she looks around, but Amon has vanished)
Sakaki : Mr. Amon?
Karasuma : (she keeps looking around until she gasps and notices Amon's feet sticking out from under the bed. They are shaking and a whimpering noise can be heard) Amon…?
Amon : (voice only, from under bed) You guys handle the monkeys alone. I think I'll go back to sleep.
Sakaki : But Mr. Amon, you're under the bed.
Amon : (voice only, from under bed) I LIKE SLEEPING UNDER THE BED YOU STUPID TWIT!
Karasuma : What? But . . . (she understands) Amon, you're afraid of monkeys, aren't you?
Amon : (voice only, from under bed) …. Yes…
----
( We now see a hallway. Robin and Michael are running down said hallway as fast as they can. Behind them a few monkeys are chasing them )
Michael : (spots a door) in here!
( Michael and Robin burst through the door and lock it behind them. On the other side they find three figures standing in the shadows. The first figure walks forward to reveal a ugly, fat green-faced witch )
Witch : I'm an ze witch from ze story Hansel and Gretel. (Looks at them) I shall eat ze livers with ze fava beans!
Michael : (blinks) Torch her.
Robin : (nods and lights the Witch on fire)
( the second shadow walks forward. It is covered in black cloaks and has a eerie crown on it's head. The Witch King of Agmar from the popular Lord of the Rings books )
Witch King : (in scary whisper) I am the King of Witches of Agmar, the Lord of the Flying Nazgul, and the General of Sauron's Armies of Mordor! Gaze upon me and fear, for no living man can harm me.
Michael : Torch him.
Robin : (Nods and lights the Witch King on fire)
Witch King : (normal voice) Ah sh-t, I need to stop fighting women. (turns into ash)
( The third figure walks forward, it's Richard Simmons)
Richard Simmons : (blinks) Let's SWEAT! (starts exercising, but looks more like a dog dying)
Michael : (scared) Robin! Torch him! Kill it! Make it stop! The horror!
Robin : (also scared) D-d-d-die! (she torches him)
Richard Simmons : Oh! (is now on fire) I'm dying! Let's SWEAT TO THE FIRE! (continues to exercise)
Michael : (opens the door behind them) L-let's go Robin. Just be very quiet and maybe it won't see us.
----
( We now see Doujima walking through a hallway. Suddenly a door opens and Sakaki walks out. They see each other and hug )
Doujima : Where have you been? There's some weird monkey thingies attacking us.
Sakaki : (grinning) I know! And Amon's terrified of them!
Doujima : Nah-huh!
Sakaki : Yeah he is! Amon's become a scared school girl, it's hilarious!
Doujima : Whoa. Where is he? I wanna see!
Sakaki : Umm. (looks around) I think it's that door. (points to a door)
( They walk through the door into a Drug Ward. Amon is not here, but Ozzy Osborn is here. He looks up at them )
Ozzy : Well who the (bleep) are you?
Sakaki : Umm . . . sorry, wrong room.
( a flying monkey jumps in the room and flies around squawking )
Ozzy : (looking at the monkey) Well what the (bleep) is that (bleep)ing thing?
Doujima : We'll just get going . . .
Ozzy : (turns and shouts at the bathroom door) SHARON! There's a (bleep)ing flying monkey in my (bleep)ing room!
Sharon : (voice only) There's no (bleep)ing monkey, you're just smoking too much (bleep)ing weed Ozzy.
Ozzy : (dazed look) I am not (bleep)ing smoking too much (bleep)ing weed. And there is a (bleep)ing flying monkey in my (bleep)ing room. Now come (bleep)ing look.
Sharon (VO) : You're just (bleep)ing high Ozzy!
Ozzy : I am not (bleep)ing high! It's a (bleep)ing flying monkey! Come (bleeping) look!
Sharon (VO) : OZZY! GET OFF THE (bleep)ING DRUGS!
Doujima : (shocked) Wow. Lets go Haruto-kun, these people are (bleep)ing crazy.
----
( Back in Amon's room, Karasuma is trying her best to get Amon out from under the bed)
Karasuma : We need you Amon! You're the fearless leader!
Amon : But I am afraid. I'm afraid of a lot of things. Like Touko's cooking, and Kosaka naked, and flying monkeys.
Karasuma : Amon, please. There just monkeys with wings.
Amon : (quietly) you don't understand.
Karasuma : Then explain it to me. Please?
Amon : (sighs) Alright. Well, when I was a little kid, Nagira made me watch the Wizard of Oz with him. I loved it. It was such a heart-warming movie. But then . . . when the movie was over I went to sleep. And when I woke up Nagira was dressed like a flying monkey and he was screeching and yelling and it made me piss my pants. Ever since I've been afraid of flying monkeys.
Karasuma : (blinks) Wow. (shakes head) Amon, that's sad, but we need you! We have to beat the monkeys!
( the door opens, David Rica walks inside)
Rica : (offhandedly) Hey Miho, have you seen Golden? I have to talk to him about whether or not I'm coming back in False Echoes . (spots Amon under the bed) What's his problem?
Karasuma : He's afraid of flying monkeys David.
Rica : (laughs) The puppy fears the monkey?
Amon : Shut up Rica!
Rica : (shrugs) Eh, the monkeys are so bad once they stop flying.
Karasuma : Stop flying? What do you mean?
Rica : Just spray them with water and they lose their wings. Probably because the Witch melts in water. Anyway I gotta go find the author and get my paycheck (he starts to walk away)
Karasuma : Wait! Come with us! If you spray the monkeys with your craft then Amon won't be afraid and he can stop Voldemort!
Rica : (smug smile) And why would I help you puppy? I'm the bad guy, remember?
Karasuma : (smirks) Fine. I guess you're just embarrassed because you know Voldemort is a worse villain than you.
Rica : (no longer smiling) Let's go kill some monkey-puppies.
----
( The roof. We find Voldemort , the Wicked Witch , and Nara ku sitting at a poker table. In the air around them is millions of flying monkeys.)
Naraku : (looks at his hand) Got any three's?
Voldemort : (shakes head) Go fish.
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Voldemort & Naraku : SHUT UP!
( the door of the hospital roof opens and Rica and Karasuma step out onto the roof )
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
Nara ku : Why does she do that?
Voldemort : Who the hell knows. (spots Rica and Miho) Ah, the heroes!
Rica : Don't e'er call me that again you damn puppy!
Nara ku : Enough of this. Destroy them!
Wicked Witch : Eheheheheheheh! I'll get you my pretties! And your dog too!
( the millions of monkeys fly to attack but Rica shoots a jet of water at the Wicked Witch and it hits her. Suddenly the monkeys freeze )
Wicked Witch : Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Yahhhh! I'm melting! Melting! Meeeeelllltttting!
Voldemort : (Shaking head) Shut up! Die quietly!
Wicked Witch : Meeeeelllltttting! MEEEEEEELLLLLLLTTTTTTIIIIIIINGGGGG!
Voldemort : (angry) Avada Kedavra!
( the Wicked Witch explodes. So do all of her monkeys )
Nara ku : Baka! You've killed the monkeys!
Karasuma : (shouting into the hospital) Amon! All the monkeys are dead!
( Amon walks timidly onto the roof and looks around )
Amon : No more monkeys?
Karasuma : No more monkeys.
( suddenly all of the fear vanishes from Amon's face and he becomes normal Amon )
Voldemort : (quietly to Naraku) Now what do we do? Without monkeys Amon'll kill us!
Nara ku : (thinking) I have a idea. (He changes into his large white baboon suit and runs at Amon)
Amon : (Squeaks) Eep! Monkey! (He jumps behind Karasuma and hides)
Karasuma : But Amon, it's not flying.
Amon : oh. (He stands up, pulls out his Orbo gun and shoots Naraku several times.)
Voldemort : (Sighs) Dammit. (Pulls out his wand) I'll just do this myself then.
( Amon runs forward, still holding his Orbo Gun. Voldemort raises his wand and begins to speak the killing curse, but Amon shoots him and he throws his wand up in the air. It falls back down slowly and lands in Voldemort's pocket. )
Voldemort : Wow. Hey I'm okay! The Orbo didn't effect me! (blinks and realizes he's not in his scary voice) I mean . . . of course it didn't effect me, your mortal Orbo cannot effect the great . . . what's that sound?
( Voldemort looks into his pocket where the wand is shaking. The Orbo hit the wand and now it's vibrating. )
Voldemort : This can't be good. (The wand explodes and he is shot into the air like a bottle rocket)
Amon : That's what you get for making me look like a pansy with your evil cheating monkeys.
----
( The street.
Ozzy and Sharon are getting into their limo, when suddenly Voldemort's burning body falls out of the sky and crushes their car )
Ozzy : (dazed) Don't even (bleep)ing try to (bleep)ing tell me you didn't (bleep)ing see that.
----
[Cut to.
Raven's Flat, the Next Day]
( Everyone is gathered around Michael's computer )
Karasuma : (smiles and walks over next to Amon) Then everything worked out okay in the end. I mean, it was weird and pointlessly stupid, but everything worked out.
Amon : Err . . . just one thing.
Sakaki : Yes Mr. Amon?
Amon : If any of you ever tell anyone about me being afraid of monkeys I'll rip out your small intestine and strangle you with it.
Doujima : Okay Amon. And a gold star for creativity.
Robin : But it did all work out. And Rica even helped us. Maybe he's going to change his ways and stop being evil.
Michael : I don't think so. Look! (He points at the computer)
( The computer is on David Rica's personal website. There are pictures of Amon hiding under his bed and screaming pasted all over the site )
Amon : I hate you all.
( Everyone but Amon laughs )
-------------------
No actual celebrities or flying animals were harmed during the making of this DVD extra.
Wicked Witch of the West, Lord Voldemort, Naraku, Michael Jackson, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourn, Richard Simmons, The Witch King, and the Witch from Hansel and Gretel were all used without permission.
As was the cast of Witch Hunter Robin
I own nothing but Golden© and David Rica©.
A special thank you to everyone who reviewed to Fire and Rain .
False Echoes will be posted on Friday.
Coffee and Donuts chapter 2 will be posted as soon as it's written.
Thanks to everyone who read this fanfic and made it so popular.
Arigato!
Sayonara,
Golden-sama
Credits
Fire and Rain
Cast
Robin Sena… Kari Wahlgren
Amon… Crispin Freeman
Haruto Sakaki… Johnny Young Bosch
Miho Karasuma… Wendee Lee
Yurika Doujima… Michelle Ruff
Michael Lee… Dave Whittenburg
Shintaro Kosaka… Doug Stone
Takuma Zaizen… Jamieson Price
(Names taken from English Cast of Television show)
Created by Brandon “Golden” Rice
Written by Brandon “Golden” Rice
Publish by Fanfiction.net & Mediaminer.org
Special Thanks to
Fanfiction.net
Mediaminer.org
Sunrise Inc.
Whoever the hell created WHR
All the celebrities used in DVD extras for not sueing me
And of course the readers.